basic needs

Im back, looking out the window its glittering sparkling dazzling, amazing, its tokyo baby. not debrecen, no hungary, no decadent europe, no fuked up prime ministers hell yeah.

i been to shibuya, shinjuku, omotesando, harajuku, and shin-ookubo (by mistake hiih) already. its been 8 days now that im back. i have ambiguous feelings about this place. i mean its sweet as, but there is no sack, no hatim, no katya, cori or the others im all alone in this jungle now. well not exactly haha but im talking about my friends. frienzz. i miss them. i enjoy food, sex (wiiiiiiiiiiiiiii) and japanese people around, very very nice, but id love to go back to work and get some cash to enroll into a sweet lil course on photography, to get a 2nd diploma or something like that here in tokyo. i wanna get back to school, i wanna make new friends, a lot. this time im gonna stay til 12 feb, very nice, im going to magi onsen in ootsuki in like a bit more than a week but as for now im gonna go and take a dip in the ofuro here.

my back hurts a lot, i have no idea why, im aging baby!! dammit. ok all, im out i need to sleep, get up, eat, drink, make love, make love, drink, and make love. and then i also have to make some love!!!!

peace

long time

Long time i havent written anything. I dont want to elaborate on this, doesnt matter. And I wont write too much this time either. Im still alive and freezing my ass out in Hungary but ill be back in Japan 29 Dec 930AM Narite sweet. So probably im gonna have more energy to communicate.

ye

Gorira

Anyway

Of coz.

bing

with the one i truly love

Long time. dont even know if anyone reads this anymore. Sometimes i feel like writing and sometimes i feel like abandoning it. Hm. doesnt really matter.

This is the land of the rising sun. This is the land of the rising soul. Some ppl hate this place, some ppl want to go home, which i can understand. Some ppl think that Japanese are not nice. We have different opinions. we have different paths to walk. I can listen to other`s stories, but i can never be part of those, i am my story`s protagonist. And my story goes like this:

I was a mess. No. I was nothing before i came to Japan. I had no ideas, i had no goals, i had no life, i had no love, i had no friends, i had no identity, i had no personality. I was something, somebody without shape, without a spark in the eye. I arrived. My eyes were wide open. I never sleep.

Even when i sleep im awake as i want to be awake to get more and more of this miracle called Japan. I want to be next to Japanese ppl, I want to go to places i have never dared dreaming of. I want to become the person I have never dared dreaming of up until some point this year around the end of March. Since then, I have become a different person. My personality started to get a frame, a distinct shape with characteristic features. I got great great help from my friends here, Sack, Katya, and Cori of course, without whom id be less then now.

They say sack is weird. Who knows sack? I dont. I have ideas about him. he is fully megacomplex with a dazzling personality and complexity still expanding. The respect. Tak, he went to australia, sack is to join him soon. Perfect team. The happiest 4 months last year. Great development in the mind and in the soul.

My cousing died in february. bad times. good friends. bad sato sensei. idiot. evil. whatever. I failed school, after that i knew that school is not what i am here for. if it had been, i wouldnt have failed deshou. March. the change. Boost to the heart, to the soul, hope was alive again, emotions were burning again, tears were running again, but this time not because of grief but because of happiness. Becoming self conscious, making plans. Life got slow and fast. at the same time. life got quiet. i lived an everyday life. never been that happy before in my life. living a normal life. with respect, love, prospects, understanding and laughter. Then the nightmare of going home. Bittering every second of heaven. something had to be done.

what to do?

TAKE ACTION MONKEY.

i got a job at the end of july. teachers told me that i can work part time only. BULLSHIT. i can work fulltime now fighting for the ultimate goal: to get the work visa to japan and stay as long as possible. finishin uni from here and live the life i have always wanted to live. its that simple.

its that simple. if i can make it, i become happy for a lifetime.

I want to build a life NOW... with the one i truly love.

Pff FUK

Being inarticulate is really nothing i cant get used to. Living without certain things, places, and ppl is what makes me throw up. Some ppl say that Saru u shouldnt be moaning about stuff u cant change, there is simply no use, u just gonna be all bitter and disappointed to the max, burnt out, so, why dont u try to accept those things?

and there comes the answer: FUK that. Maybe one day when im gonna have no other choice, when there is no chance to achieve my goals, when life really smacked me with all her might, MAYBE then ill say... Pff.... ok.

I dont even know what i want to say. shit. Im just listening to this song and im falling. I should press the button for the next track, but i know i wont. Memory bliss on me. Memory curse on me. I was listening to this song when i had the worst times of my life. its weird how the feeling is coming back just by listening to one stupid song. again and again and again. all day.

anyway. i should deal with ppl and their problems but i cant. I dont know what to do, my problems are just fkin enough, and i really do want to, but i cant.

Im reprogramming my mind. I want this song to be a good memory and not a bad one, so as now i am pretty strong and stable at mind, i decided to get this bitch and erase everything from the first 6 months here and reassociate this song to the second 6 months, the freaking opposite of what i had, the worst times.......the best time of my life. The most meaningful, the deepest, the unforgettable, the most sincere, the most honest and humble time of my life...

the truest shit ever.

In this life

Broaden ur scope. Are u ready to act like u should?


what is on up in this piece (e 104) is nothing satanic today but Gangstarr - In this life feat Snoop Dogg and Uncle Reo

SICK

`in this life its mad hard to make it`

Well yeah especially if u are coming from a post socialist society of infected minds, from the cult of depression and oppression, and negativity, living a life with no dreams except for nightmares.

These dudes tellin me u betta wake up, survival of the fittest, and the like. Time to wake up hell yeah. I dont have much time to waste i got to make my way so im getting ready to jump on opportunities yeah.

Aki was telling me things the other day having a drink. if there is a little tiny puny shitty little chance... there is a chance. That was the message. How do u know that u cannot make it? Think hard and get yourself together because people trust u and they need u SO U BETTA WAKE UP!

Nice thoughts and i felt really bad that i thought the other way. I felt like i was confident, but it wasnt confidence but a shield of excuses for not acting the way i should. there is no other way but fighting urself through the big chaos with ur mind sharp like a machete, crying loud like a monkey to let people know that u are on your way coming thru.

What a boost!

Thanks, AKi.

Respect